Trigger Warning : Self Care
Self care is not only about taking bubble baths and repeating positive affirmations. It isn't always zen - that's the goal. Self care could look like:
- Saying "No" to a friend's favor.
- Standing up for yourself at work, towards your superior, family member, or best friend
- Creating boundaries and making others respect those boundaries
- Taking a much needed day off
- Finding a career or job you actually enjoy
- Removing relationships that bring harm
- Reflecting on the negative thoughts and behaviors YOU have and working to improve
Lately, I've been noticing that there has been much talk about removing "toxic" relationships but before we do that, I think it is important to reflect on your own "toxic", damaging negativity that brings harm to your own life.
How do YOU treat others? Are you "blunt" unnecessarily with harsh words or actions that could HURT others because of what you're facing at home? Because the lack of control you feel you have in other situations?
I'm asking, are you misplacing YOUR anger or discomfort towards others because you haven't handled childhood trauma or issues, or because you can't control a situation? or maybe because someone is treating you that way and that's how you decided to treat others?
Are your settling for subpar friendships and relationships because you feel that's all you're worth?
Are you allowing your cousins, mom, uncle, father, boyfriend, girlfriend disrespect your boundaries and devalue you? How does that make you feel about yourself?
Are you allowing them to do that because that's how you view yourself OR (unpopular opinion) maybe they treat you like that because of what they are facing - maybe that's how they feel about themselves? In what way does their actions affect you? Does it make you feel less than? Do you allow others to get away with more than they should?
Another way to practice self care is reflection and boundaries.
Reflecting on your own habits can give clues on how to improve and allows you to really think about what you want out of life.
It all started for me a little over a year ago. I began to incorporate new moon intentions. At the basic level, on a monthly basis (when the moon is in it's new phase), I unknowingly reflect on my life in all aspects but really on the category the new moon focuses on. For example, this upcoming new moon beginning January 5th, 2019 focuses on new beginnings, careers and goals.
I enjoy doing the new moon rituals because it gives me a time on a monthly reoccurring basis to reflect on my life and more closely on different areas each month.
New moon rituals differ from a wishlist though.
When you write your new moon intentions, you write them in the present tense.
This was powerful for me.
I wasn't writing "I wish I had a lucrative business or fulfilling relationships"
I would write "I attract lucrative business opportunities / fulfilling relationships aligned with the highest good"
This change in wording really makes a difference even in your thought pattern. It comes from a powerful place rather than from a deficit one.
I followed the new moon ritual guidelines set out by Danielle Ayoka. She can easily be found by her handle @MysticxLipstick on twitter & instagram. Her rituals and cleanses has helped me tremendously and are affordable. The new moon rituals she provides are FREE and easy to understand. She also has guidelines for full moon rituals which are aimed at letting go.
This change from a deficit way of thinking to a powerful one has helped me. It wasn't until about a year later when things weren't going my way or one of my intentions didn't come true at that time (but it will in 2019) I felt frustrated and out of control. I had to change my perspective. I had to find the good in the "No".
The "no" helped me realized my value and what I would or wouldn't accept. It allowed me to realize that timing matters and that the "no" now, could be setting up a better "yes" later.
Self care isn't always pretty. Self care requires growth and growth can come with growing pains. Don't let that stop your growth. It is necessary to becoming an improved human, gaining what you want and being a better person in society.
I think we can all agree we need better people around us - we must become the better person first.